Don't Think of Me
by Shadow of the God Tree
Summary: This is a one-shot fic that is for the song from Dido. Sess Kag
1. Don't Think of Me

This is a little sardonic one shot fic that came up when I heard the song for the first time and thought, would this be how Kagome would have felt if when the tama was complete. A) She was stuck in the feudal era B) Inuyasha wished Kikyo back to life, C) so far Inuyasha chose Kikyo. I am one that hates Kikyo and yet I can't help but think this song would better describe her under the normal circumstances, but this fic isn't normal circumstances.  
  
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*So you're with her And not with me I hope she's sweet And so pretty I hear she cooks delightfully A little angel beside you So you're with her And not with me*  
  
It was funny after all the time we spent going after the shards, go after Naraku, all the hardships that were faced, that I did not truly suffer until he was gone. It is fates idea of a game, everyone is fucked sometime in their life so why should it matter when they are fucked, the only difference between me and the rest of the world is that I was fucked after the battle was done.  
  
It seems such a pity to have won the day only to realize that you never won at all. Isn't my plight so predictable? It seems a story of tragic romance. It would be different if at the end of the journey I would have been able to go home. Different if he had chosen me.  
  
The past is the past and yet I can't seem to let go. Maybe I can't let go because my whole life is now based in the past, in a place I was never meant to be. Then again maybe I was, I don't think it was coincidence that I was pulled through a well on my property five hundred years in the future to them. No fate had her web of love lies and death spun so well.  
  
I feel as if I was a spider trapped in her web, each single thread with each movement of the wind sways the thread as it vibrates its message to me. You know the kicker of this was that if I had taken advice from the brother, that is now my equal though none know it save him and me, I would be a lot happier.  
  
He had said. . . The path of a hanyou is that of the damned, he can never be anything else. . .  
  
How right he was, I was foolish to think that things would change after we won the battle. I was an idiot to think that Kikyo would let go of the human world, after being alive as the dead. I must have been out of my mind to give the jewel to him and allow him one wish when I knew no matter what it was it would not be pure.  
  
And so now the jewel resides once again in my body, sought after by every youkai stupid enough to seek it. I wonder if this is all the design of the jewel, the curse that surrounds it. Would I change things if I could? No I guess not.  
  
The villagers speak well of there priestess once more and I am but a shadow moving in the village, unseen and unnoticed. I can be invisible now for my existence is all but forgotten.  
  
She acts as if she is an appropriate wife; she leaves her true duties of the Shikon no Tama to me. She though, she knows that the jewel is still in existence and knows that I protect. For all this she has never come to me with a plea for it. Now she knows it is the cause of the rift between Inuyasha and herself.  
  
*Oh how lucky one man can be I hear your house Is small and clean Oh how lovely with your homecoming queen Oh how lovely it must be*  
  
I walk among the shadows of the forest I now where neither my clothes from the future nor the priestess robes that are expected of me. I where the same style robes as Kikyo but those that I wear are pure black easily hidden in shadows and darkness.  
  
It's funny that although I am the one that lives her life in shadow and she lives in the light, I have the ability to purify. She acts the role perfectly and she fools everyone, she pretends that it is her arrows that kill the youkai that attack the village, when she shoots ordinary arrows I surround them with the purifying energy.  
  
I talked with Kikyo the other day a conversation that I found humorous while it left her in a fury. A miko may live forever if she had enough power, I can the power of the shikon no tama inside of me will never allow me to die because I have become to much apart of it. Kikyo has lost the true strength of her miko powers when she became a human, alive. But the wish that brought her to life was the wish that she would be human instead of a citizen of hell on earth.  
  
The only reason that Kikyo is even still able to utilize even a small portion of her miko power is because my soul was part of her when she became human again. My presence was near her not so lifeless corpse when the body reawakened to the true life.  
  
She is still loved, it is only sad that I can't do for Inuyasha what she does for him. She cleans his clothes, cooks his meals, and she is able to love him.  
  
*When you see her sweet smile baby Don't think of me When she lays in your warm arms Don't think of me*  
  
Though it's quite funny Inuyasha that when you are outside and she makes to kiss you or hug you, you seem to shy away and you look to my home. The shadows as if they are your true comfort. As if they are you true lover. I am now the shadows, do you yet think of me when you kiss her? Do you think of me when you make love to her body?  
  
Is it me Inuyasha that you see moving under you and moaning your name? Is it me you see when you look into her cold brown eyes, when instead you look for eyes that are warm?  
  
Does she no longer warm your heart? Heat the blood Inuyasha? Do you question yourself, unsure if you mad e the right choice? Well now after a year of suffering in silence and a year of getting over my hurt, I have your answer.  
  
Does anyone care to share? Is it so much of a secret you went after her because she was the challenge? Does your blood no longer run red with the lust of the sleeping beast because she no longer gives you the chase?  
  
*So you're with her And not with me I know she spreads sweet honey In fact your best friend I heard he spent last night with her Now how do you feel*  
  
Last night I heard her as I wondered the streets, her moans were loud and clear through the walls of the hut. There on the pallet were two bodies one that I recognized with only minimal shock as that of Onigumo. She I knew had fallen in love with the man as time went on, the man beyond the demon, and so as the wish for her body to be completed I allowed her to utter her own wish.  
  
I wondered how her mate would take this. I wondered if he regretted his choice? But know I would not do that to him. I had the power to destroy him, so did she? Inuyasha could never tell the difference. I would never destroy him and yet as I listened to her bed our worst enemy, I could not help but think, I had no need to make him feel my hurt for by being with her would reveal all to his eyes the difference. While she could never hold power in her grasp, I reined it in with an iron hold.  
  
*When you see her sweet smile baby Don't think of me When she lays in your warm arms Don't think of me*  
  
It's funny over the ten years in this village I have lived as a shadow in caves nearby. I have never aged, and yet the girl that once I so keenly resembled looked like when she once was, a corpse. Her skin was shallow, and she had bags under her eyes. Yet still the one I used to love still stays by her with her fake sunny smiles. Still beds her and seeds her in hopes of begetting a child that I had long ago knew would never come.  
  
I do not know if he is a hopeless dreamer of if he is one that clings to the last hope he thinks he has. That is what she is, sometimes as I pass by his ears perk and he looks for me as if looking for the one to save him from the land of the lost.  
  
I now realize that, the times I had stopped Kikyo from dragging him to hell were all in vain as I allow him to live while once again she drags him to hell. This time her attempts are subtle but they are still sure and steady.  
  
*And it's too late and it's too bad Don't think of me Oh it's too late and it's too bad Don't think of me*  
  
I have decided that with shippo and the others dead that I wished to have a child, I am lonely and I wished to have what I lost at least in one respect. I would go to the man that gave me such good advice I will see if he has any good ideas.  
  
I know that now with her death I could go to him the man I had loved those many years ago, and get what I want but for me there is no second best because I have fallen out of love.  
  
I had walked up to the palace guards had stopped me and all I had to do was say I had business with Sesshomaru and I was allowed in. it's funny really though what might of really given me passage would have bee the subtle yet deadly power that surrounded me like a second skin.  
  
I had walked into the castle showed by a servant to a room and then left there to await lord Sesshomaru's ESTEEMED valet (?). As I sat there I wondered if I was on a fools quest. Before I could ponder too much Jaken walked into the room.  
  
"What do you want you filthy nigen?" his voice was snide.  
  
"I wish an audience with Sesshomaru-sama." My voice I made the epitome of regality.  
  
"I will speak to him and then throw you out. For surely he will never want to speak to a filthy human like you."  
  
"I wish you to give him a message." I wrote a small note on a piece of parchment, it read 'The path of a hanyou is that of the damned, he can never be anything else' you were right and I was too stupid at the time to see it.  
  
*Does it bother you now all the mess I made Does it bother you now the clothes you told me not to wear Does it bother you now all the angry games we played Does it bother you now when I'm not there*  
  
I was surprised that he had complied so quickly to my arrangement, with me being human and all. I was especially surprised that even after twenty years the man still had no mate. He agreed to impregnate me and so for a month I stayed at his castle. It was a surprise that I found myself falling in love with him. But when I left the castle we parted as friends.  
  
I was surprised again when he asked if he could see his child from time to time. I told him where to find me and for a week every month while I was pregnant he would spend with me in the cave that I had made into a special home for my son and I.  
  
When Inuyasha had smelled him on one of his wanderings through the forest. He surprisingly came to a stop at my doorstep. At first I had wondered how he found the place and then I realized while my scent had been here so long that to him I was a natural part of the forest, his brothers scent was just as foreign.  
  
I saw his eyes light up when he saw that I was pregnant he seemed to want to have the child that grew in my womb. He looked at me as if in regret as his now dying mate, still she hangs on to life, was at his home barren.  
  
*When you see her sweet smile baby Don't think of me When she lays in your warm arms Don't think of me*  
  
I knew now that he regretted his choice form the beginning of his life with Kikyo but I was too much in love with someone else to care. I had somehow fallen for the lord of the western lands. It turned out for over 80 years we were lovers, I gave birth to amazingly 13 children in that span of time. After that he admitted he loved me. This was never something that I expected and I was shocked when he asked me to be his mate. My first-born son became the heir to the western lands.  
  
*And it's too late and it's too bad Don't think of me Oh it's too late and it's too bad Don't think of me*  
  
When I left his forest I left behind a torn and broken man. I left him to his pain, and I let go of all that he stood for. I never knew what happened to him that day nor what he did the remainder of his years but I lived with my mate and my full-demon children and I dreamed and lived and survived until the day I saw my family again.  
  
Forever was a long time but an eternity is even longer. . .  
  
********************************************************************* This is my first one-shot.  
  
Song: Don't Think of Me  
  
By: Dido  
  
Shadow of the God Tree 


	2. Note

Okay I saw someone that said that they would like to have another likes this so I have decided that should someone find me a song and the artist and an idea for a continuing saga for Inuyasha after Kagome left then I will gladly write it.  
  
Respond soon 


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